Porky’s (1982)

Well if Psycho kept you out of the shower and Jaws kept you out of the water, Porky’s definitely kept you out of glory holes. Before American Pie’s teenagers tried to lose their virginity, Porky’s teenagers were trying to lose theirs.

Porky's (1982) DVD cover

Set in 1954, at least 45 years before webcams and pie sex, Porky’s is the coming of age story of a group of high school guys including Pee Wee, Billy, Tommy, and Mickey. Like most teenagers they have there mind on the sex and the sex on their minds.

You know you’re in for a laugh from the start when the opening scene sees Pee Wee woken up by his mother whilst trying to hide an erection.  He succeeds and then proceeds to measure it and adds the stat to his growth chart. Moments later at school, a naive girl asks a male student why he is called meat. If dick and fart gags are your thing then you probably already own Porky’s already and don’t need to read on.

After a collection of near misses (including almost seeing school girls showering, and a hysterical threesome gone wrong) the guys all head to Porky’s to get some action with some Cuban hookers. Bar owner Porky clocks the guys for exactly what they are and rips them off with the help of his crooked sheriff brother.

After some more gags, including the old reliable prank call “is Mike Hunt here?” and the still painful to think about glory hole scene, the guys decide to take revenge on Porky.

Star wise the only person you would have heard of is Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall who plays the rather sexy Miss Honeywell, and she gets her arse out. Although saying that, Cyril O’Reilly, one of the lads, was in that other Nick Flick, Black Dog. How small is this world, huh?

Porky’s went on to have two sequels, Porky’s 2: the next day, and Porky’s Revenge. I’ve seen them but can’t remember them so can’t comment.

If your younger than me (30) and pie is your thing, don’t be a Mike, go back and check out the pork. You won’t be disappointed!

Buy Porky’s/Porky’s 2 – The Next Day [1982] on DVD